Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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