I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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