She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
3pm strippers are depressing
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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