I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize