I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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