someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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