If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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