what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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