Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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