The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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