tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize