I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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