i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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