i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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