Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
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Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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