I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize