don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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