i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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