Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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