I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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