I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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