I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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