Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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