When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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