Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize