Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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