I'm lost and stupid without you.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
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Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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