everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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