I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
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It's official drugs can't kill me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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