Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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