my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize