Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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