Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize