she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
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Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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