Swine flu. Run for my life!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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