He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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