Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
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I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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