worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize