My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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