It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize