I got chris browned last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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