thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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