Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize