who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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