he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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