the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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