Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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