considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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