When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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