Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
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You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
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Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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